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Reason for farmer’s arrest a pile of crap

Some events in the satire article below did actually happen. Read about it here. Now enjoy what should have happened.

A Warren County man, who normally delivers horse manure to others in the area as a fertilizer, made a special delivery recently.

About 6 yards of horse waste was piled high in front of one of the county’s Political Party Headquarters just days before the Presidential elections, causing quite a stink in the Lebanon area.

“The way I see it, some of these candidates are giving us a big pile of crap and I wanted to return the favor,” said the manure connoisseur. “I just can’t figure out what I did wrong.”

Surveillance cameras caught the man in the act, but the steaming heap of fertilizer was proof enough of the wrongdoing.

“If this man would have followed the new laws laid out in Ohio recently, none of this would have been a problem,” said an environmental representative. “The key to doing this type of manure application correctly is to incorporate it shortly after spreading it.”

Many farmers around Ohio have learned about the 4-Rs of nutrient management, but it was obvious that the guilty party had not been certified.

“I’m telling you that I got almost everything right,” the dung doer said. “The time was just right, the place was exactly where I wanted it, I know the source personally, but I did have the rate a little lower than I wanted to, I’ll give you that.”

A spokesperson for the party affected said that this incident didn’t impact what they were trying to accomplish before the election, stating that this was just another day at the office and that many shovels were being used to make a clear path to the White House next week.

One comment

  1. A local candidate should have climbed up on the manure pile and announced, “As a proud Democrat I am pleased to speak on a Republican platform.”

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