mattbio

Blog: Matt Reese

Easter candy to avoid this weekend

In the Reese house we grew up hunting for Easter baskets then scarfing down as much candy as we possibly could before heading to church. And, while I do enjoy some delicious Easter candy, I recently stumbled across some types that are definitely worth steering clear of with regard to inclusion in a youngster’s Easter basket. Here are some to avoid this Easter and I’ll think you’ll see why.

 

marshmallow_creeps

Creeps

For those who don’t know, the Easter basket staple of Peeps marshmallowy candies has developed a sort of sub-culture of fanatics. There are Peeps speed eating contests (which I don’t recommend) and countless crafty masters of destruction have found a myriad of unique ways to explode Peeps in microwaves and record the act of brutality to post on the Internet. They come in all shapes, colors and sizes but some version of the Peep is a must-have for many Easter candy connoisseurs as they are the fourth most-popular Easter candy. As for this particular take on the wildly popular candy, well, they kind of give me the creeps.

 

 

 Chocolate Zombie Bunny

Easter would not be the same without a delicious chocolate bunny — a no brainer for every child’s basket. The Zombie bunny, however, seems like a poor choice for tucking in amongst the lilies.

Kim-Jong-un-e1427572822596

Marshmallow Kim Jong-un

He’s hung out with Dennis Rodman, he is one of the most powerful people in the world and he looks remarkably similar to a carefully smashed marshmallow Easter bunny. Kim Jong-un is the Chairman of the Workers’ Party and Supreme Leader of North Korea. This world leader known for secrecy and sometimes odd behavior is expertly recreated with the clarity and deliciousness of this marshmallow woodland creature remastered by some Internet genius  —surely a great inclusion in every American child’s Easter basket. Maybe not.

itssugar-04-1

Camel balls

 If you just chew one of these oddly named sour gum balls, does that make it a dromedary? But seriously, Camel Balls for Easter candy? Are you nuts?

cw1-_5_Moko-Moko-Toliet-Candy

Moko-Moko Toilet candy

As a general rule, most ag writers are not fluent in Japanese, but you do not have to be bilingual to understand that the international symbol of something you don’t want to find courtesy of the Easter bunny prior to the Sunrise Service at church. The foamy nature of this sweet treat would indicate general hygiene, which is an excellent first step, but I am very concerned about step Number 2.

box-of-boogers-gummy-candy-box-129257-w

Candy boogers

The magic of the Easter Bunny is something generations of children have cherished, but one would have to imagine that some of that magic disappears when it is suggested that Mr. Cottontail has a sinus infection. The parents of small children already have to contend with plenty of “Boogies that look and feel real” on an all-too-regular basis and this is not something anyone cares to see stuck to that freshly ironed Easter-best outfit during the second verse of “Up from the grave He arose.” Please, keep your nose clean this Easter!

Print Friendly

Tags: , , , , , ,

mattbio
RSS Feed

Author: Matt Reese

I grew up on a small farm in northwest Ohio and spent most of my youth writing, doodling, taking pictures, reading and exploring the surrounding farmland. With a family full of teachers, I also grew up around a culture supportive of education. I was active in athletics in high school before graduating from Ohio State University where I studied agricultural communications. This led to my career in agricultural journalism.

I continue to work on the family Christmas tree farm in Hancock County. I married my wonderful wife, Kristin, in 2002. We live on a small farm in Fairfield County with sheep, rabbits and chickens. We have a daughter Campbell Miriam who was born in the fall of 2007 and a son Parker Matthew born in August of 2009. We are active in our local church and with numerous other organizations. I help with the agricultural program at Ohio Christian University in Circleville as well.

I have worked for Ohio’s Country Journal since 1999. I also write a column for numerous newspapers around Ohio, Fresh Country Air and do freelance writing and photography work. I have written and self-published six books to date. To find my books, visit lulu.com and search for “Matt Reese.”

Leave a Reply