This piece of furniture, built by 4-H'ers for the Ohio State Fair, is of much higher quality than the furniture written about here

The evils of IKEA furniture

By Joel Penhorwood, Ohio Ag Net

I must be getting old, friends. I was recently watching an episode of Jeopardy! and I was enjoying it a bit too much. My masterful trivia skills were on full display until Final Jeopardy, the last query in the show.

The subject was international business and I felt I had a good enough grasp on the subject to do well. I yelled to the imaginary Alex Trebek in the room how much money I was wagering and then took a gander at the “answer.”

It was the following: “This European company uses about 1% of the world’s lumber each year; it aims to make that 100% sustainable by 2020.”

Immediately flustered at the benign situation I was confronted with, I ran out of time before coming up with a viable solution. And my imaginary money, like my trivia ego, was gone. The correct question?

“What is IKEA?”

Right you are, Alex. And the traumatic flashbacks immediately began.

Just this past weekend I was helping some cousins of mine moving their young family into a new home. I was immediately assigned the duty of transforming a number of IKEA cardboard boxes into splendid furniture — well, usable furniture at least.

“No problem,” I thought to myself. “These instructions look like what used when I built Legos!”

Then the fun began. IKEA, I have to give it to you. You somehow found a way to use 42,000 different types of fasteners for what looks to be nearly the same job. Some made up of metal, some painted black, others of oddly durable plastic, and even the little wooden pegs that fall down into the floor vents, which unsuspecting cousins will never know about until they read this blog.

The wardrobe, bookcases, and more all were eventually completed (not all by me mind you). Though in addition to the bags of parts they send with the particleboard, I would advise the company to go ahead and include a note saying “choice words and time with the Lord required for completion.”

At the end of the day, even an IKEA-induced headache pales in comparison to the joy of helping someone call somewhere home.

But next time, I think I’ll paint instead.

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One comment

  1. Every time I see “structural materials” being built from what is basically sawdust and glue, makes me remember the story of “The Three Little Pigs”. Big Bad Wolf might just come past and blow it all down.

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